72 weeks since starting HRT. This past weekend I had a fundraiser and went to Aids Walk SF. I was exhausted, I realize how much of an introvert I am and how much these very social activities really drain me. I have been really drained all week. My appetite has probably played a role in this, lack of eating is probably contributing greatly to my energy levels. The great news is that I still have not reached the point of shutting down, so I can actually address this issue. I hope to start eating something first thing in the morning so that I can get a better habit of eating, and this should help when I take my pills as well to eliminate some of the nausea of I have been getting. I saw my psychiatrist today and she thinks that it is too early to tell if the pills are actually working, but I haven't shut down so I do feel like something has happened.
I have been embracing my non-binary identity for a while now, but I don't seem to really feel like this totally fits. I like the idea that I do not have to meet the expectations of any gender stereotypes that the words "man" and "woman" bring about. I also really like that people I meet do not know which binary category to fit me into. There is a moment of confusion for them as they try to figure out which one to label me as. The problem I face is that they default to male, which is getting frustrating. I am happy with my presentation and my level of confidence, but I would like this default labeling that people do subconsciously to go to female. I am not sure what to do to make this happen. I feel like I am more female and my presentation is more female, but the feedback has not been so. One idea I have is breast implants. I am really disappointed in breast development, and I think this will make me much happier with my appearance as well as shift the public perception more to female. I also have always wanted them. I am conflicted though, because I feel like this would make me a hypocrite with my feminist beliefs. Breasts don't make someone a woman, I firmly believe this and I get upset at the societal pressure for women to have big breasts.
I think I would feel differently if I had even little baby boobies, but there is nothing. They have just a slight pointiness to them. I still do not even have an A cup after almost a year and a half on hormones. I would like to be able to wear a t-shirt or tank top and at least have something there. It is a tough call and something I will really have to consider. I still need to work on electrolysis and can work on my voice more, which could also make that difference. It is difficult to tell. Part of me keeps saying that breast size shouldn't matter and by getting implants I would be giving in to this shitty binary system that I am not a big fan of. The other part of me is saying that I only live once and I should do what I want. I am just not sure... I will talk to some friends over the next few weeks and try to get some other opinions.
I haven't had to pluck my nose hairs in quite some time, and I only have to shave my legs once every couple weeks. The hair growth has slowed down so much, and I really enjoy it. So much less work to get rid of all the body hair that I hate so much. The hardest part to maintain is my eyebrows, those stray hairs grow like crazy and I have to be sure to pluck them every week. If I don't keep up with them, they start to lose the shape that I have worked so hard to maintain. I really like them how they are now, and will never let them get as bushy as they used to be. That's it for now!
I have been embracing my non-binary identity for a while now, but I don't seem to really feel like this totally fits. I like the idea that I do not have to meet the expectations of any gender stereotypes that the words "man" and "woman" bring about. I also really like that people I meet do not know which binary category to fit me into. There is a moment of confusion for them as they try to figure out which one to label me as. The problem I face is that they default to male, which is getting frustrating. I am happy with my presentation and my level of confidence, but I would like this default labeling that people do subconsciously to go to female. I am not sure what to do to make this happen. I feel like I am more female and my presentation is more female, but the feedback has not been so. One idea I have is breast implants. I am really disappointed in breast development, and I think this will make me much happier with my appearance as well as shift the public perception more to female. I also have always wanted them. I am conflicted though, because I feel like this would make me a hypocrite with my feminist beliefs. Breasts don't make someone a woman, I firmly believe this and I get upset at the societal pressure for women to have big breasts.
I think I would feel differently if I had even little baby boobies, but there is nothing. They have just a slight pointiness to them. I still do not even have an A cup after almost a year and a half on hormones. I would like to be able to wear a t-shirt or tank top and at least have something there. It is a tough call and something I will really have to consider. I still need to work on electrolysis and can work on my voice more, which could also make that difference. It is difficult to tell. Part of me keeps saying that breast size shouldn't matter and by getting implants I would be giving in to this shitty binary system that I am not a big fan of. The other part of me is saying that I only live once and I should do what I want. I am just not sure... I will talk to some friends over the next few weeks and try to get some other opinions.
I haven't had to pluck my nose hairs in quite some time, and I only have to shave my legs once every couple weeks. The hair growth has slowed down so much, and I really enjoy it. So much less work to get rid of all the body hair that I hate so much. The hardest part to maintain is my eyebrows, those stray hairs grow like crazy and I have to be sure to pluck them every week. If I don't keep up with them, they start to lose the shape that I have worked so hard to maintain. I really like them how they are now, and will never let them get as bushy as they used to be. That's it for now!